The confidence game

So much of claiming your Expert Authority is about the confidence game.

If you’re on an upward spiral of confidence, authority marketing will be easy for you.

If you’re on a downward spiral of confidence it will be one of the hardest things you have to do in your business.

I went for lunch recently with a couple of business friends and in the course of our conversation they made a statement that I was the most confident person that they had ever met.

I didn’t disagree with them – I have always had an innate confidence and it somewhat surprises me that the other people don’t feel the same way.

I reflected on this after the lunch and got to thinking about what it was that made me so confident when other people weren’t.

I decided that it came down to two things:

The first was that people had belief in me from day one. My mum, my dad and my school all told me that I could achieve whatever I wanted to. When you’re told this on a regular basis from an early age, you start to believe it.

The second thing that helped to instil my confidence was success itself.

From an early age I was a high achiever, I was a straight-A student with eleven A grade GCSEs, A’s at A level and accepted into a prestigious Law school to study law. I beat 5000 other candidates to a training contract and job at the world largest Law firm and was the first person to be accepted on secondment at Virgin out of a number of candidates from other top rated law firms, with Richard Branson himself offering me a job. As a result of the success of that secondment I was nominated for and voted runner up in the Lawyers’ Solicitor of the Year, a hugely prestigious awards in the legal industry. As a result of that success I had the confidence to enter the Law Society Awards in 2011 and was again shortlisted and runner up in their Solicitor of the Year Award.

I can point to many other successes in my life but the thing about success is that it breeds more success. It’s the confidence spiral – the more that you take actions and get positive results, the more confident you are that you can achieve anything you put your mind to.

I think it’s impossible to get the results you are capable of, if you don’t have that innate self-confidence and self-esteem.

So for you, if you are struggling with confidence and results – how can you increase your confidence account?

1. Surround yourself with people who believe in you – that may be family, friends, business colleagues, a mastermind group, a mentor or anyone else who is going to form part of your personal cheer leading team.

2. Start taking small steps that will get you results. If you focus on what you can do this week rather than how much you need to do to reach your goal, your focus will be on what you have achieved rather than how you are lacking in achieving your bigger goals and your confidence account will increase.

If you are struggling with either of these things, (maybe you’re struggling to find your cheer leading team because your friends just don’t really ‘get’ what you do or maybe you’re struggling because you’re not sure which small steps to take in what order), I can highly recommend that you take on a mentor or join a Mastermind group that will support you, motivate you, challenge you and above all else really motivate you and give you that self-confidence that you need to achieve great things in this world. A good mentor or Mastermind group will get you focused on some quick wins so that your confidence account will immediately start increasing. Due to the long term nature of having a mentor or being in a Mastermind group (which are typically 12 months), the confidence spiral really has the time to be reinforced.

I run a couple of very successful Mastermind groups, which as you might expect are groups for experts and a lot of our focus is on Expert Authority. To see our members blossom over their time with us due to their confidence account increasing is a beautiful thing. One of my members recently commented that “It was fascinating looking back at the notes from our original mastermind sessions. How I felt about my business then and now – there’s no comparison. I just couldn’t love my life any more than I do right now.”

If you need help with your confidence account and need a mentor or a Mastermind Group to support you, then please do get in touch using the contact form on the “Contact Us” page and we can have a quick chat to see if us working together would be a good fit.

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE (aka how to get a free first class air ticket!)

I love flying, I love travel, I love the whole experience of finding somewhere amazing to go and stay for a week or 2 weeks or even a few days. Of being in a luxurious place that satisfies my senses, where I can relax, spend quality time with my family and/or friends, have some lovely food, drink some nice wine, be in beautiful surroundings, in a beautiful part of the world. It is probably the thing that I love to do most.

One day it dawned on me that chances are by the time I depart this life, I would not have travelled first class, because for me, the uplift in price between Business Class and First Class just doesn’t make sense.

And that was a thought that I didn’t like.

So I resolved to do something about this, because in my world anything is possible!

For example, when Virgin Media told me that it was just “not possible” that they could get an engineer around within the week to install a second digibox when they had messed up on not coming round when they should have done, I did not believe that this was not possible.

I quickly managed to get hold of the e-mail address for the CEO of Virgin and sent him an e-mail explaining what the issue was and how I would like it to be resolved. Even though the CEO was on holiday he quickly replied to my e-mail, he phoned his secretary who phoned me straight back and – guess what?? The very next day an engineer was here to install the digibox. It was possible after all – who’d have thought it…

So with this mindset of anything is possible I decided that I was going to get an upgrade to First Class.

My next flight after I decided this was to Washington to see Yanik Silver at his Underground Conference. I had booked a Business Class seat with air miles, so I think that I paid about £300 for that (just the airport taxes). Not only was I determined that I would get an upgrade, I completely trusted that I would be getting an upgrade to First Class.

So I thought strategically about this. I thought there were three possible places where I would be giving an upgrade. There was the check in, there was the embarkation point and then it was actually on the plane.

The first place that I tried was the check in and I told the lady that as I was travelling without my children it would probably be one of the only opportunity that I have ever had to fly First Class so if there was an upgrade I would be very very grateful. She was very nice about it but told me that because I booked my Business Class ticket on Air Miles there was no way that she could upgrade me.

Possible upgrade point 1 = failed.

Still I trusted that somehow I would be upgraded to First Class.

The next possibility was the embarkation point but I just sensed that it wouldn’t be right to ask at that particular point. I had already overheard a number of people asking for an upgrade and had been told that it wasn’t possible and it just was not the right environment to ask so I just waited for the plane.

Possible upgrade point 2 = failed.

I got on the plane and was shown my allocated seat which I hadn’t been able to choose myself and I noticed two things.

Firstly Business Class was completely full.

Secondly my seat was one of the seats in the middle of the plane with no divider down the middle so there was not any possibility of any privacy – it was one the “cuddling seats” for couples which is a great idea when you’re a couple but not so much when you are on business trying to do some confidential work.

Now as luck would have it, as that moment in time, I was writing a white paper for the government on certain aspects on the legal profession and it was confidential.

So I soon as I got on the plane I noticed where I was sitting, I noticed that there were no other seats in Business Class and I went to the stewardesses and I said: “look, I am very sorry to ask this but I am writing a confidential white paper and the seat that I am in won’t give me the privacy that I need, is there another seat in Business Class that you could move me to”.

So she said she’ll go and have a look and returned back a few minutes later and said to me “Madam, I am terribly sorry but they aren’t any other seat in Business Class, I am afraid we are going to have to move you to First Class.”

Well, I am not entirely sure why she was apologising for moving me to First class, but moved to First Class I was. I had the most wonderful experience, most amazing service that I have ever experienced, and many thanks to the BA staff that looked after me so well.

Possible upgrade point 3 = WIN!

This absolutely confirmed my belief that anything is indeed possible.

So what is on your wish list?

What would you be sad about if by the end of your lifetime you hadn’t experienced something?

All it takes is the decision to make it happen, to go with your instinct and to trust that it will happen.

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